Lubricants
What is a lube, why would I need it?
A lubricant, aka lube, is a liquid, made of silicone, water or oil, used during sexual activity, whether solo or with a partner. Sexual lubricants are especially helpful if you suffer from vaginal dryness with sexual activity. The majority of people love bringing a lubricant into the bedroom to make sexual activity more enjoyable and reduce pain during vaginal penetration.
What are the best lubes to use with sex?
The most commonly used lubes tend to be water, silicone or oil based, which will not disrupt the vagina’s delicate pH balance and cause infection or irritation. Water-based lubricants feels smooth, “silky” and slippery to the touch. There is no clumping effect and can be used safely with condoms and sex toys. Water-based lubricants are cost friendly and easy to wash off sheets and body parts.
Silicone based lubricants are equally as wet and slippery as water-based lubes. Silicone based lubes tend to be thicker, last longer with more staying-power, but need soap and water to rinse off after sexual activity. This lubricant can be used with a condom. Silicone based lubes should probably not be used with silicone sex toys as they may break down the material. Silicone lubricants tend to be preferred for anal play since it’s thicker, slippery and doesn’t absorb into the body so it lasts longer than other lubes.
My skin is super sensitive and I can’t use a lube with sex, what do you suggest?
Oil based lubricants, such as coconut oil, is a natural, preservative free, cost and vagina friendly alternative. For people with skin sensitivities, it has a benefit of not causing any allergic reactions or vaginal infection. Coconut oil is anti-fungal so it will not increase your risk of a yeast infection. It also has a thicker and more long-lasting affect during sexual activity. Oil-based lubes can break down the integrity of latex condoms and dentals dams, increasing the risk of STI’s and pregnancy. Oil-based lubes may affect the sperm’s integrity, making it not the lube of choice when trying to conceive.
Is it okay to use Vaseline as lube?
Not all lubes are created equal! A perfect lube should be slippery, safe for the tissue, long lasting and not increase your risk for any vaginal infections. Vaseline was not created to be used as a vaginal lubricant. Vaseline, which contains petroleum, was not created to be used as a vaginal lubricant. It’s ideal for chapped lips and dry skin but tends to be thick, sticky and gummy as a vaginal lubricant. Using Vaseline can also increase the risk of a bacterial infection and break down latex condoms.
What is a “natural” sexual lubricant?
Natural and organic lubes can mean many things depending on the store where it is being sold. It can definitely be confusing to the user.
Generally, natural lubricates do not contain extra additives including synthetic chemicals, dyes, preservatives, artificial fragrances, and other toxins. Avoiding parabens, petroleum, glycerin, and other sugars would also be considered natural.
The fewer the ingredients, the more natural the lube would be.
Can Coconut Oil be used as a lubricant?
Extra virgin coconut oil can be considered a safe natural or organic lube since it doesn’t disrupt the pH balance of the vagina. It’s a great moisturizer and considered a natural lube with no harmful additives. The price is right and it has anti-fungal properties. The downside is it cannot be used with condoms and can stain the sheets.
Can Olive Oil use used as a lubricant?
In the modern age, olive oil is still used as a viable and popular sexual lubricant. It’s natural and lasts longer than water-based lubricants. Silicone-based lubricants are also an option and last the longest during sexual intercourse compared to olive oil and water-based lubes.
Olive oil is a great alternative, but it cannot be used with latex barriers such as a condom or dental dam since it can break these commonly used STI or pregnancy protectors. If you use olive oil as a lubricant, you will have to use a polyurethane or synthetic condom.
Some women and men notice more skin irritation including rashes and hives when using olive oil. If you are prone to skin sensitivities or yeast infections, oil olive may not be your best option.
What ingredients should I avoid in a lube?
Ingredients you want to avoid include parabens, glycerin, petroleum, artificial fragrances, colors or flavors, synthetic chemicals, dyes, preservatives or other harmful toxins.
How do I know the best lube for me?
Lubricants are a very personal decision, whether you are having solo or partner play. Trial and error with experimentation, is always my recommendation to know which lubricants work best for you, or you and your partner, with vaginal and anal play.
How can I make my vagina taste better for my partner?
It’s well known that “you are what you eat” especially as it relates to your vaginal taste & odor. The good news is that there are foods that don’t disrupt the delicate pH balance and can combat offensive odors and actually add a sweet smell or taste to the vagina. Best Foods for the vagina including fresh fruits (especially pineapple!), fruit juices, whole grains, Greek yogurt and drinking plenty of water. Foods that may give off a notably offensive odor include: garlic, onions, mint, turmeric, curry, blue cheese and other fermented foods, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, vinegar, red meat and, perhaps, other foods such as eggs, liver, kidneys, seafood, fish oil, milk, peas, and soy! Nicotine, antibiotics, alcohol are also added to this list of offenders.
This same list of good and bad foods also applies to how the ejaculate from a penis tastes!
My partner told me my vagina has a “dead-fish” and foul odor, what’s up with that?
A fishy smell from the vagina offends suggests a bacterial infection. Gardnerella and Bacterial Vaginosis, also known as BV, are common types of bacterial infection causing a stinky, “dead-fish” malodorous and bothered vagina. It’s caused by an overgrowth of harmful bacteria that disrupts the delicate pH balance of the vagina. Circumstances that increase your risk of BV include unprotected sex, new sexual partners, douching and taking certain antibiotics. Symptoms include itching, burning, redness and swelling along with a classic fishy smelling gray or green vaginal discharge typical for BV.
My boyfriend told me I taste funny during oral sex, is there something wrong with me?
A healthy and clean vagina has a certain natural scent and taste that should not be unpleasant. If you or your partner notices an offensive, fishy, yeasty, or foul odor, seeing your gynecologist would be recommended to rule out an infection. Your diet, including garlic, onions, Brussels sprouts, and red meat, can also create a different odor in the vagina. Smoking, alcohol, and caffeine also affect the vagina’s smell and taste.
Safe Sex
What is safe sex?
A topic completely under discussed and inconsistently practiced, safe sex means condom use during vaginal or anal intercourse and oral sex. When was the last time you gave someone a blow job with a condom on? Or was given oral sex with a dental dam? 99.9% of women and men would answer “never”! Many women and men have never even heard of a dental dam but they are meant to be used during oral sex. And if there isn’t a dental dam in grabbing distance, plastic wrap or a cut condom will do the trick. It’s important to know that when giving oral sex to a man or women, HPV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Syphilis can be transmitted. This is so important to understand since there is an increased incidence of cancers involving the throat.
Who needs to worry about safe sex?
Everyone needs to be concerned about practicing safe sex. Prevention is the best defense against STI’s. Male and female condoms are the only dual protection methods available to help reduce the risk of common STI’s including HPV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis and HIV. Women and men of all ages and regardless of your sexual orientation are at risk for STI’s and need to incorporate dual protection methods when having sex.
How do you suggest bringing up the topic of safe sex with a partner?
It’s important to have this completely awkward conversation with a new partner before finding yourself in that uncontrollable passionate moment under the sheets. I’d suggest having this conversation before you have a couple of drinks and before you’ve strewn your clothes around the room. Have it on a date or during dinner if you feel the relationship is heading towards sexual intimacy. Discuss your STI history and the importance of safe sex before taking those next steps.
What are some common mistakes you see people making when it comes to safe sex?
The most common mistake women and men make when it comes to safe sex is how common it is to transmit STI’s you are unaware that you have. HPV is the best example. HPV is contracted through skin-to-skin contract typically during sexual contact. It’s often best to avoid any sexual partner that has genital warts or a known history of HPV. The problem is that most people are unaware that they carry HPV, especially men. Men do not have an equivalent to the PAP smear for women that allows detection of HPV. Unless men have warts or a history of them, they have no way of detecting this epidemic virus. Another frustration for women is that the condom does not provide complete protection against HPV. HPV may live at the base of the penis or in other exposed areas that can pass HPV to the woman during sexual intercourse. This includes penetration with the penis, vaginal or anally, oral sex and hand-to-genital contact. Straight and same-sex couples are equally high risk to HPV exposure and transmission. Other STI’s you may be unaware you have included Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Syphilis.
How long should my partner and I practice safe sex?
Another common mistake people make in practicing safe sex is being consistent about enforcing this practice. Typically, a condom is used during vaginal penetration the first few times a couple has sex. With time and comfort with your partner, the practice of safe sex is not consistently enforced. Since you don’t have active signs of infection you think the coast is clear when in fact you can become infected and not show any signs of infections with any of these contagious STI’s.
Protecting each other against STI’s, especially HPV and Herpes, should always be a top priority. Until there’s a ring on your finger or have proclaimed a committed relationship, practicing safe sex is recommended.
What can make condoms less effective? Sometime a double-bag condoms to make them more effective, does that work?
You have to practice the proper use of condoms during sexual contact. First make sure the expiration date of the condom has not expired. Latex condoms are the most effective in preventing STI’s compared to polyurethane condoms. Use water-based lubricated condoms and avoid petroleum jelly, baby oil or other lotions that can break down the condom’s effectiveness.
Make sure the condom covers the entire length of the penis. Condoms with a reservoir tip that catches the semen after ejaculation are best for preventing pregnancy.
Which birth control methods are NOT effective in protecting against STIs?
None of the current birth control methods are effective at preventing STI’s.
Any myths about safe sex that you hear often?
The most common misconception about safe sex is when a partner tells you, “I have been tested and I am negative for all STI’s. This is completely a myth since 80% of men carry HPV without knowing it. Herpes can also be transmitted sexually if an active breakout occurs. The bottom line is even when negatively tested for all STI’s, some can still be transmitted.
What can women do to take charge of STI prevention?
Loral’s are an ultra-thin, stretchy, and single-use latex underwear used during oral sex, covering the vulva (genital skin outside the vagina). Loral underwear allow women to take control of STI protection. These “undies” are FDA-cleared and have a sexy skin-tight appearance which empowers people to protect themselves from STI’s.
Female or “internal” condoms, made of a soft plastic, are an alternative to regular condoms. They also protect against pregnancy and STI’s. Internal condoms go inside the vagina, anus and cover some parts of the vulva, as an alternative to condoms that go over the penis.
Prevention is the best defense against STI’s. Male and female condoms are the current way to help reduce your risk of common sexually transmitted infections including HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis and HIV.
I always tell my patients to carry condoms in their purse for those unplanned moments of sexual activity.
Can I be allergic to my BF’s condom?
Women may also have a latex allergy when using the most common condoms used today. The majority of condoms are made out of latex. A small percentage of women have a latex allergy which can cause vaginal swelling, itching and pain during sex. If you have a latex allergy, you can use the polyurethane condoms as an alternative to “safe sex”.
What is a dental dam?
Dental dams help prevent sexually transmitted infections including HPV, Chlamydia, Syphilis, HIV and Gonorrhea.
Using a dental dam regularly is part of the definition of safe sex. It’s a small square of latex or polyurethane that is used during oral sex. It’s designed to cover the vulva and clitoris or the anus during oral sex. It should be used between the mouth and vagina or mouth and anus during oral sex. It is made of the same material that condoms are made from, latex and polyurethane, to prevent sexually transmitted infections. It’s also a one-time use.
Can I have sex on my period?
It may be a bit messy, but you can have sex on your period. Using a menstrual cup and placing a towel underneath you helps make the process less bloody!
After sex with my BF, my vagina let out a sound that sounded like a fart, can that happen?
A noisy vagina is not unusual! Vaginal “farts”, vaginal “flatulence”, “fanny farts”, “varts” or “queefing”, all describe an often-embarrassing female phenomenon. When air is released out of the vagina, a sound is made that is sometimes described as “queefing”. How does the air get into the vagina in the first place, you might ask? It happens when a penis, fingers or sex toy goes in and out of the vagina bringing additional air along with it. Sex can involve a lot of thrusting of the penis in and out of the vagina, typically pushing extra air into a dead-end space. The only way for the air to escape the vagina is through the same door, creating a sound like expelling gas from the rectum. Certain sexually positions, such as doggy style and inverted missionary position, seem to increase the “queefing” effect. The only way to prevent “queefing” is if you don’t put anything inside the vagina. Other causes of “queefing” include certain forms of exercise or work out routines. It’s best to enjoy these awkward moments by laughing about it, knowing you both are probably having a really great time creating the “queefing” effect!
Can I be allergic to my BF’s semen?
Being allergic to your BF semen happens to 20,000 to 40,000 women in the US each year. Many specialists think it’s more common, yet under diagnosed, and thought to be related to a condom allergy. It happens when a woman produces antibodies against certain proteins found in the seminal fluid in a man’s ejaculate. Symptoms including redness, swelling, pain, itching, blisters and a burning sensation in the vaginal area occurring 10 to 30 minutes after contact with semen during sex. Similar symptoms can occur in the mouth or on the skin. The entire body can be affected with hives, swelling, difficulty breath and, even an anaphylaxis life-threatening reaction. The diagnosis is often made as a process of elimination, since the symptoms can appear as an yeast or herpes infection or latex allergy from condoms or spermicides, lubricant or feminine product. If a sperm allergy is present, the woman should not have any symptoms when she and her partner use a condom. Symptoms will only occur during unprotected sex. Semen allergies are usually treated by identifying which of the proteins in the semen are causing the allergic reaction, then using a desensitization process, to build up tolerance. Discuss this with your healthcare provider and allergist who can resolve the problem.
Does the little “pink” pill to help women with their sex drive actually work?
The medical community and female patients have a difficult time bringing up problems related to sex and what common concerns they are experiencing. 40% of women never share this information with their health care provider. Women and the medical community are not talking enough about their sexual health or making it a priority. Women simply want the same attention in sexual health and responsiveness from the medical community as men have had. With that in mind, the FDA is finally showing support for the challenges faced in female sexual health. Addyi is one of the FDA approved medications for a low libido. Addyi is thought to work on neurotransmitters in the brain including serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which are all thought to be involved with sexual desire. The “pink” pill for women encourages the chemicals in the brain to get excited about sex and inhibits those that have a negative effect on the desire to have sex.
